Their Lovin, My Oven

My Journey as a Gestational Surrogate

My Surrogacy Journey Thus Far… January 8, 2011

Filed under: Gestational Surrogacy — Danielle @ 10:26 pm

Might as well just jump right on in. I’ve decided that a blog will be a great place to share my journey as a gestational surrogate for friends and family and perhaps even for people who just like me, thought about where to begin once upon a time.

Let’s start with the basics. There are two types of surrogacy. A gestational surrogate (GS) has no genetic relationship to the surrobaby. The intended parents (IPs) will use an egg donor, sperm donor or both and a reproductive specialist will fertilize the eggs. Once they are considered viable, the eggs will be implanted into the surrogates uterus through In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF.) I am registered with a wonderful agency, Fertility Miracles, as a gestational surrogate. The second type of surrogacy is traditional surrogacy (TS.) Though it does happen, it is more rare than gestational surrogacy. In a traditional surrogacy, the eggs of the surrogate are used with a sperm donor.

I have seen people who I know personally have a child through the wonderful gift of surrogacy. A lot of people immediately wonder why people turn to surrogacy vs adoption, etc. Adoption isn’t easy. It can be a huge let down, and the number of requirements to even begin the process are staggering. There are so many people out there that truly want and deserve to be parents, and can’t for one reason or another. Here’s where surrogates step in.

My motivation for becoming a surrogate is simple. Being a mother is hands down, by far, without a doubt the best part of my life. My children are truly gifts from God and I can’t imagine my life without them. They never cease to amaze me. If I can be a part of sharing that gift with someone else, that is a blessing to me. It would be an honor to help someone realize their dreams of parenthood. I first looked into surrogacy when our oldest daughter was about 2. I signed up with Fertility Miracles, filled out a long application, had phone interviews, etc and my profile was posted for potential IPs. Shortly after I began the process, we were blessed with a pregnancy of our own (after two miscarriages) and put surrogacy on hold. Our youngest daughter is now almost a year old and so I contacted the agency to let them know I was ready for my profile to be made public again.

The first time I spoke with a potential IP was about 4 months ago. I spoke with a woman who was unable to carry a child of her own due to cancer. She and her husband were high school sweethearts and longed to have a family. They already had fertilized embryos frozen. We seemed to “hit it off” during our phone conference and I waited for news. At first I was told that all the necessary paperwork hadn’t been submitted and the agency was waiting on that. Later I would find out that the couple wasn’t as committed to surrogacy as they thought. It was disappointing, but, I knew that it must not have been meant for me to carry their baby for them. About two weeks ago the agency contacted me again – They had another couple that wanted to meet me – This time in person! On Thursday January 6th The Hubby and I drove down to Beverly Hills. Since we don’t know for sure if we will be officially matched with this couple, I’ll call them E & M for now. E & M are a gay couple that currently reside in Italy. E’s family is originally from Costa Rica so they frequently travel there to visit. Before our meeting, they took the time to write me a letter and send me some photos of the two of them. One picture was of them with their niece and in that photo they look so…. Happy. Ecstatic. Comfortable. They look wonderful with a baby in their arms. I wrote them a letter in response, particularly because I wanted them to know how much it touched me that they took the time to send pictures and write a letter. The meeting started out even better than I could have hoped. We didn’t walk in to handshakes and cold hellos.. We walked in to hugs and air kisses (one on each cheek, just like in Italy! LOL!) Right away, the nervous energy that I had built up over the last two weeks started to dissipate. E & M admitted that they too were nervous, understandably so. Surrogacy is a huge choice, a journey that will forever intertwine the lives of people and hopefully result in an amazing family not only for the IPs, but for the surrogate as well.

We began by talking more about their lives, where they’re from, their families, etc. We spoke about my motivations for being a surrogate, how amazing it was that Hubby was there to support me, etc. At some point, we got down to the “nitty gritty.” How did I feel about carrying multiples? Selective reduction? Bed rest? Contact during the pregnancy and after delivery? Etc. The most amazing part was that we agreed – On everything. Every little detail. Everything that I could ever hope for in IPs, E & M are. I know that someday, whether we take this journey together or not, E & M will be amazing fathers. We closed the meeting with more hugs, more air kisses, and a promise to talk soon. And now? Now, we wait. I am hoping to hear news from my surrogacy coordinator on Monday… I’m trying so hard not to get my hopes up because I don’t want to be disappointed again…

I’m open to answering any questions that readers (whether they be friends, family or strangers) might have about my journey or surrogacy in general. All that I ask is that you keep an open mind and remember that this is MY journey. It is MY choice and something that I believe in whole heartedly. If you have a negative opinion, you’re of course free to express it, but know that it won’t waver my committment to helping create a family for another person(s).

Happy Reading! 🙂

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2 Responses to “My Surrogacy Journey Thus Far…”

  1. BeccaLynne Says:

    You are amazing. Screw everybody with a negative opinion!

  2. Brandie Says:

    This is the type of Blog I think you should write. It will help those understand that it is a gift to wonderful parents. It will also help them understand not only your journey but Hubby and the girls journey. Cant wait to have their Bun in YOUR ove.


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