Their Lovin, My Oven

My Journey as a Gestational Surrogate

The Good, The Bad, The Honest Truth May 8, 2011

Filed under: Gestational Surrogacy — Danielle @ 11:51 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

First things first – Let me give a huge shout out to all the amazing Mama’s that I know! Our job is by far the most difficult, but  most rewarding job in the world. It’s such a privelege for me to be a Mommy to my two princesses, even when they’re driving me crazy. Happy Mother’s Day, ladies! 🙂

Now back to business… I started this blog months ago for a few reasons… To chronicle the in’s and out’s of my surrogacy journey as a record for myself, IPs, my children and their future children…. To document everything for fellow surros… To be completely honest and in doing so, hoping to educate people on surrogacy and my journey in particular. So, here goes. Here’s the good, the bad, the honest truth (so far.)

Let’s start with a little Q & A. I’ve been getting more and more questions about my surrogacy journey lately and thought that  I would take the time to answer a few of the major ones here for my faithful readers, whoever you may be 🙂

1. Why do you want to be a surrogate? To know the answer to this question, one only needs to spend 5 minutes in my house. Even when they’re being complete and total brats, talking back, testing their limits and trying my patience, I absolutely love and adore our two daughters ANGELS more than words can say. Even at it’s toughest moments, being a Mommy is a dream come true. I simply cannot imagine life without my daughters. I can’t imagine struggling with infertility for years, or being told that because of who you fell in love with that you can’t have a family. Family is everything. Bottom line. If I can help create a family, and see someone experience the joy that I do on a regular basis – That’s pretty darn amazing.

2. How can you give away your baby? Won’t you be attached?  Let me be very clear – I am a gestational surrogate. This baby has no genetic relation to myself or my husband whatsoever. He was conceived with his Daddies genetic material and that of a wonderful egg donor. Therefore, I am not giving away my baby. I am carrying him, acting as the “baby oven” until he is old enough to go home with his Daddies. As for the second part, I will be attached, but not in the way that I was attached to my daughters during my pregnancies. I will love Gabriel as I love my best friends son. I will care for him until his is old enough to go home to his Daddies, but, have no desire to “keep” him. Our family is complete as is. Now, I’m helping to complete Esteban and Michele’s family.

3. How much are you getting paid? I’ve addressed this question before, in a previous blog, but will do so again since it’s a common theme of what I get asked. My answer? None of your business. I don’t ask you what your annual salary is. And I’m pretty sure if I did, you’d have some not so kind words for me. My compensation for this journey is between six people. Myself, my husband, Esteban, Michele and our respective legal representation. If you aren’t one of those six people, butt out.  Just because I’m a surrogate doesn’t instantly make any of that your business or give you the right to pry where you wouldn’t otherwise dream of prying. I’m not doing this for the money. End of discussion.

4. Don’t you feel wrong doing this for a gay couple? Don’t you feel wrong asking me such a stupid question? Esteban and Michele love each other. I love them for loving each other. I love them for wanting to have a family of their own. I love them for trusting me to carry their child. If you don’t love them, you’re missing out. Your loss. “It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves. And if you’re not comfortable with yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.”

Should you have any other questions at any time, please don’t ask them of others. Talk to me, ask me. I will be nothing but honest with people about this journey, and anything that it involves. It is only through educating people that we can ask that they understand.

As I come up on 6 weeks pregnant with Esteban & Michele’s little angel, I will soon be “talking” more about how I’m feeling, what I’m experiencing, etc. It might not always be pretty, so, I’ll give you guys a warning if you’re going to venture into “personal” territory. Yes, this is the world wide web, and yes, I will be putting myself on “blast” but I feel that’s important. When I was researching surrogacy and turned to blogs of surrogates who had “been there, done that” I didn’t want some sugar coated version of their journies. I wanted the truth so that I could make an educated decision about what I was going to embark on. If I’m not honest, there’s no point in having this blog.

First things first. Injections. Delestrogen and PIO (Progesterone in Oil.) I have to have daily injections (that my husband lovingly administers) of synthetic versions of the hormones estrogen and progesterone. The injections are needed because your body is normally triggered to start producing them when you ovulate and the egg becomes fertilized and implanted. Since I did not ovulate, this is not my egg, and fertilization occured in a petri dish rather than inside my uterus, my body does not know to produce these hormones. Progesterone is especially important – It is what sustains the embryo until the placenta takes over at appoximately 10 weeks of pregnancy. Until we reach that point, Hubby gives me one injection of 2cc’s of progesterone every day, and .25cc’s of estrogen every Wednesday and Saturday. The injections suck. I can’t lie. There isn’t a part of my upper tush that isn’t bruised or sore. I have lumps where the oil hasn’t spread out because it’s so thick. Please do not take this to mean that they are not worth it. I would do 1,000 injections if that’s what I needed to do to keep Gabriel safe for his Daddies. While not fun, they are a necessary evil. I know that each shot gets me one day closer to handing Gabriel to his Daddies for the first time and knowing that their family is now complete. Totally worth every shot.

I get asked on a daily basis how I’m feeling. As of right now, 5 weeks 4 days in, I feel pretty darn good. I’m tired, but that’s to be expected. I only get rare bouts of nausea when a smell doesn’t agree with me, such as too much perfume. I am back to craving spicy foods (I can only eat spicy foods when I’m pregnant, I know, I’m weird) and that’s about it.

We have an ultrasound scheduled for this coming Wednesday! I simply cannot wait for Esteban & Michele to get to see their precious Gabriel! I will be exactly 6 weeks pregnant so, fingers crossed that we get to see  (or hear) Gabriel’s strong little heartbeat.

*****Warning: Content not approved for those who are sensitive to TMI (too much information***** <—- I’ve decided I’ll give a “Warning: TMI Content” message before anything “personal.” If you don’t want to read the nitty gritty details about things, stop reading here. If you continue, I can’t be held responsible for what you read LOL. Like I said before, I want to be as honest as possible with this blog. I’ll try to keep the TMI info at the bottom of the blog so that if you stop reading now, you won’t be missing anything.

**Warning: TMI Content**

The only other pregnancy symptom I have thus far is sore breasts. Even if Hubby and I were cleared to… ya know… I wouldn’t want to. I’ve invested in uber supportive sports bras. *Note to other potential surros… No “horizontal mambo” with Hubby once you start injectables until you’re cleared by the RE. Make sure your Hubby is amazing and totally supportive of your surrogacy journey (as mine is) since this affects him in a major way.*

**End of TMI Content**

That’s about it for now… I’ll update again Wednesday after the ultrasound 🙂


2 Responses to “The Good, The Bad, The Honest Truth”

  1. bumpfairy Says:

    Well said, Danielle!

  2. fertilitymiracles Says:

    Danielle, you rock!! 🙂

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